Over the last decade, elopements have become increasingly popular over big weddings. What was once synonymous with secrecy and running off to Vegas is now a popular way for couples to get married.
With fast change comes a lot of confusion and questions around eloping, and among Christian circles where weddings are a sacred day, it’s understandable that there is some question over whether or not Christians can, or should, elope.
As a born-again Christian and an elopement photographer, let me answer the question: Can Christians elope?
Can Christians Elope?
The short answer: yes!
Eloping is simply a small wedding with few or no guests. It can take place in a courthouse, your backyard, or my favorite, out in nature.
Let me walk you through why I believe that Christians can, and probably even should, elope.
The Modern Definition of Eloping (it’s not what it used to be!)
Elopements have changed drastically over the last decade, so it’s no wonder there’s some confusion when people start talking about eloping.
Because they’ve been changing so much and so quickly, there isn’t a technical definition of “elope” currently, but here’s how I define it as an elopement photographer:
An elopement is an intimate wedding with few or no guests. It can take place anywhere but is usually outdoors, and the couple spends the day doing things they love with the people they are closest with.
Read more about the modern definition of elopements here.
What the Bible Says about Marriage
There is nothing in the Bible that says how Christians should celebrate their wedding, how many guests should be present, or if you need to invite anyone at all. However, the Bible does teach on Biblical marriage.
Below are a few of the most relevant verses on marriage so you can see for yourselves what the Bible says about the topic.
Genesis 2:21-25 (NKJV)
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
And Adam said:
“This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Proverbs 18:22 (NKJV)
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord
Ephesians 5:25 (AMP)
Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her
The Definition of “Marriage”
Webster’s 1828 dictionary defines “marriage” like this:
“The act of uniting a man and woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and woman for life. Marriage is a contract both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall part them. Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity, and for securing the maintenance and education of children.”
You’ll notice that nowhere in that definition does it say a marriage is about wearing a big white dress or inviting 200+ people to your wedding. None of these are bad things if they are done with the right intentions; they are neutral and don’t define what starts off a good and healthy marriage.
For Christians, the marriage ceremony is a covenant between a man and a woman with God as their witness.
Is Eloping Selfish?
This is another common misconception that often guilts couples into a more traditional wedding over an elopement.
Deciding to elope is not inherently selfish.
There are plenty of valid reasons to elope. Not everyone has family they are close to. Sometimes there are circumstances that would make a large family gathering awkward, or even unsafe. Maybe it’s for financial reasons. Or perhaps a big wedding is just too burdensome.
There are plenty of valid, unselfish reasons couples are deciding to elope today, including:
- The idea of throwing a big event is just too overwhelming.
- Couples don’t want to go into debt over a single day. After all, the average cost of a wedding in 2024 was $33,000.
- Big weddings force the bride and groom to be hosts and often leave them unable to enjoy their own party.
- Traditional weddings often leave couples so stressed that they can’t wait for it to be over, rather than being excited.
Not wanting to go into debt, be overwhelmed with stress, or host a big party when you’d rather spend quality time together is not selfish.
On the contrary, it would be wrong to host a traditional wedding if “people pleasing” were a motivating factor in the decision. Whether you’re hosting a big or small wedding, I would urge couples to consider their heart’s motivation in the decision process.
There’s a difference between deciding to include something in your wedding day because it holds importance to a family member and doing something you don’t want out of obligation or to prevent them from being unhappy with you.
Is Eloping a Legal Marriage?
As long as you have the proper license, have an ordained minister sign it, and follow the state’s rules regarding witnesses, then yes, eloping is a legal marriage.
It doesn’t matter whether you have zero guests or 200. If you follow the state’s regulations, then eloping is absolutely a legal marriage.
Why Christians Should Be Open to Considering an Elopement
An elopement can be a better option for couples who want to put their Christian faith front and center of their day.
Why? Because eloping pulls the attention away from the fluff and grandeur of a big event, which can drown out the day’s true meaning, and make it easier to keep the focus on what the day is about: the vows and the couple.
These are a few reasons why an elopement can be a better option for couples who want to emphasize their faith on their wedding day:
You can Fully Design your day around your covenant with God and vows to each other.
Many couples feel a lot of pressure around their wedding to make it look a certain way, and often feel pressure to perform.
Eloping can relieve that pressure and allow you to let go of those ideas and traditions that don’t hold any real meaning for you.
You are free to make your day about the things and people you value most and allow you to bring the Lord into your day by adding more prayer, worship, or time to reflect on the Lord’s goodness in your life.
You can spend more time with family.
Without the burden of conforming your day to a traditional wedding or a strict timeline, you have the freedom to create a day with space to live in the moment and make fun memories with the loved ones you bring along.
Learn how to plan an elopement with family.
It’s easier to prioritize your relationship with the Lord
Because eloping gives you full control over your wedding, you can include time for a Bible study, prayer, and/or worship to connect with the Lord throughout your day.
Spend your morning in a bible study with your soon-to-be spouse before getting ready for your ceremony, or include worship after dinner with your family.
There’s no pressure to perform
One of the biggest reasons couples decide to elope is because they don’t want to feel pressure to put on a performance as they share their vows or at any point throughout their day. Share your love for each other in a way that is natural to you, be it alone or in front of your guests. When you elope, there is no pressure to look or act in any way.
Can You Still Include Family in Your Elopement?
As mentioned above, yes, you can have an elopement and still include your family.
I’ve personally worked with couples who brought their families together for the first time on their wedding day, as well as couples who decided to wait until after they eloped to tell anyone they were getting married, and everything in between.
There are so many ways you can include your family in your elopement, such as,
- You can have your family by your side the whole day
- You can dedicate part of the day to adventuring just you and your partner, and end the day with a big family dinner together at your Airbnb or a restaurant.
- You can have a 2-day elopement and spend one day with family and the second day with just your partner.
- Or you can elope just the two of you and have a reception at a later date to include as many family members and friends as you want.
See this post of 17 ways to include family in your elopement celebration.
In conclusion… Christians can elope!
As you can see, Christians most certainly can elope! Eloping is really just about creating a wedding day that allows you to celebrate in a personal way, instead of putting pressure on the day to look a certain way, dictated by the current trends.
As a Christian and an elopement photographer, I love helping couples plan incredible wedding experiences full of meaning and close to nature. If you’d like help planning your own wedding with time to be with the Lord and space to celebrate fully, I’d love to help you plan and photograph your experience!
Happy eloping!
